I suspect that if you asked them politely what they meant to say, they would tell you that they didn't say the things you think you heard, and the communication might work toward clearing up.

If I were in your situation, and I thought someone had said something hellish to me, I would be very careful to be sure I heard, remembered (had a link or record), and understood completely what was meant, and to be sure I had asked about whether something else could be intended. I've sought to read all the conversations you're talking about and I'm pretty confident there was no implication about actively sending you to hell or about not seeing you as belonging to God.

I do know that it's been said that people who sin continuously are at risk, and that they've suggested that you've sinned a couple times. I hope this is an appropriate place for me to give that impression, knowing that when we talk about people saying that you might have sinned it's a sensitive issue for you. But they've said that, and perhaps there was miscommunication between what was said and what was unsaid. And as you point out, polite questioning often resolves issues and heals past wounds.

I don't think I, or they, esteem ourselves highly. Catholics don't esteem themselves saints, for instance; they reserve that name for those for whom there's evidence of sainthood after death. I think that in this conversation you're dealing with people who care about you but who don't want to be emotionally exposed to criticism that isn't intended to bring about healing. You're not dealing with people who have collectivism or hatred, you're dealing with people who have concerns (like you do) and who have challenges with understanding the behavior of others (like you do). By my putting them in the same category as you, I'm demonstrating that there are not favorites. If you, or I, or they, were to judge another person, I'd treat it the same no matter who it's from, and I'd push back if there's no evidence and hear the concern if there is evidence.

I hope that answers. You hint I might be momentarily judging without caring, and I don't intend to be, so if you can point out how I'm doing so then I can correct that. If we have the air clear between us, it looks like you would like some understanding about and concession about the past conversations you're alluding to. In my silly binary view, I'd think that either you want it healed or you want the right to keep bringing up a wound indefinitely; and in either case when it's clear what you want then it's easy to proceed forward. So let me know what I can do, and what else can be done, to help the situation.