vitamin

VITA (life) MIN/AMINE/AMMONIA/AMMON (hidden)...ones ignorance hides ones self discernment.

There can be only one hidden (min) life (vita)...

I have no choice but to assume they are intentionally trying to kill me.

Using ones free will of choice to seek healthcare from another implies intentional self harm. How could it be killing if consent was given?

I can retain information well, but I just have no drive to apply myself

Nature drives inspiration through one, which is what one needs to apply adaptation to. Mind/memory isn't designed to retain information; but to process inspiration within a moving system.

The minds/memories of the many are used as a dumping ground for the suggested information by few. Why? To prevent one from discerning self as solid potential within fluid inspiration.

a fraction of what the human race has to offer.

Nature implies whole offer for each fraction within....consenting (buy) to a suggested offer (sell) not only tempts one to ignore that, but also establishes the happy merchant of temptation; selling fiction to all those who're willingly ignore reality.

to give up and die

It's the ongoing process of dying which gives (inception) and takes (death) ones life. The word "to" implies towards aka within motion...

im not going to get the help I need

Natural order (inception towards death) implies need; those within (life) the free will of choice to resist (need) or ignore (want) resisting it.

In other words...only the process of dying supports living; while the living drain each others resistance while dying.

vitamin d deficiency

Try becoming efficient at fishing and milking cows...eat and drink some while you're at it. Eventually one realizes that choosing to be more efficient in something; increases ones resistance to so called deficiencies.