I wish I could just give in and believe the bible. God it would be so easy to just pretend like all my problems were someone else's problems. I am truly envious and I respect your right to believe what you want. That goes for all religions, not just yours.

You know back in the day gods favorite was the one who managed to win. Anytime someone is super strong or super skilled, its gods will that makes them that way.

This is super gay I know, but I feel this way when I play multiplayer games. Couple that with the adrenaline, and its very super addictive stuff.

I dont know how I kill anything sometimes, often I will zone out and im not even looking im just literally pointing and clicking and they die. Is this what it feels like to have god on your side. Seems like it sometimes.

For whatever reason, my ability has gotten more consistent, ive always had it but I could never really make it happen. Now it seems to be happening way easier. I dont know whats going on, I think its because I am closely creeping closer to death every day because of the parathyroid. Or perhaps this is a global phenomena and everyone is experiencing it because the end of the world is at hand or some fucked up shit. I cant explain it.

https://streamable.com/w2plw9

Any theories? And no, im not hacking I can promise you that. I wouldnt be making this long winded posted if I was.