The fact that you envy my faith looks like a positive sign to me. My faith is a gift from God, something that you should certainly desire. Perhaps the Lord is beginning the process of drawing you to Him. I will pray for you freedomlogic.

If it is in fact the Lord that is drawing you to Him, I'm sure you will also soon find out that Jesus Christ is the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him. All those other religions are from the deceiver, Satan, who is at work in the hearts and mind of all who are disobedient to God.

He was also at work in me before I was spiritually reborn by God. I look at my former actions and passions with disbelief, disgust and shame. I also was a heavy gamer. Now by the grace of God the vast majority of my spare time is dedicated to studying the word of God and trying to serve Him. This I find to be a miracle in itself.

In regards to your CSGO performance, I couldn't tell you for sure. Either you're highly skilled or perhaps something else is at play there. There's not enough information for me to confidently make any sort of judgement on the matter.