I know it's not much of a conspiracy rather a belief. But for theoretical argument and the conspiracy. Is it possible to be stuck in limbo. Inside Elysium, within Purgatory. How would you escape it? How could you. Suggesting you died, but you're still alive, only you're still inside of the illusion, limbo. Dying again would just drop down into another level of hell, but whatever you're stuck in still isn't right. What breaks out of it? What escapes it?
Purgatory the first gate of hell, stuck in the plain of living and death. The theory was any souls are trapped, trapped in their memories, inside of limbo. Haunting spectating reminiscing for enternity because their sin was often minor of something like suicide. Purgatory was supposed to be a filter for hell, worse there's always worse, depending on their sins in life, descending down into the depths of hell.
Somebody else would have to free them? Or they'd have to make ammends to the memories haunting them.
Not in this matrix. The machines have won. What breaks out of purgatory.
No I am not going there. It's nothing to do with me.
But she aborted 2 babies. Does that answer it Freud. She hated me when I took to the clinic and held her hand. Took her to this baby execution chamber. Waited there with her, held her, helped her. It made me sick, but for her. The irony I think was she cannot even be inseminated after. She got scooped out. Irregularities after. Possibly lost that chance altogether. Or maybe she was able too. I never found out. But the bitch hated me for getting her pregnant. Even though it was her own fault. I made sure she had pills. Took her to the clinic to get them every time. Asked her if she took them. The first we were young, dunno if she forgot, we were away somewhere but she had them I made sure. Second time she took meds that cancelled the pill. What are those odds. Both times it was her choice. Last time it was dangerous for her, she was warned of the risk, but she was reaching a point where law wouldn't allow it. Like at the last few days, for an emergency. She played with me yes, no, shit no, yes, no shit. Then she used it against me, causing me to be all of her blame. I supported her no matter what. I tried and beg her to keep. But she was a bitch. Not worth it. Although made me do something reckless that night. I cannot remember it. Only 30 minutes of party where I was a mess. Like laughing the police had to get my shit from her, she was trying to steal from me, when she called them on me. I wasn't anything except that's mine, but it was at her parent's. No, she's keeping it. Police it's his. Angry that she was a bitch, but she was my world at the time. I would have moved Heaven and Earth. Woke up in hospital.
The rest of your speal is irrelevant. Why did it affect me. Wouldn't it anybody else. If that memory was that strong. The only time after hundreds since. Hundreds since. Why that one. Why. Tonne of bricks. Like a car crash. Crushing. It wasn't then, what would you do. It isn't. It was delightful. But the mind plays tricks. Back of the mind how, no, please, yes it's somebody else. Hang on. Why am I remembering them. It wasn't her fault. It's mine. But that loss was something else.
Back too the topic. It wasn't about me. I used a comparison into this other World we find ourselves in. While trying to draw a conspiracy. It's that blacksun shit. Or it's that ancient hellgate. We are inverted into an Internet where this World is reigning in its darkness. There are only cunts and tyrants. They away from our choices are often making it worse. Until are freedoms are dying. I wanted to know more about it. Was all. You pressed me into why I made the topic. Perhaps I was also questioning something in my own life as well.
Although your methods and means haven't helped. But no offense. However if you think there's still some inspiration to where this future goes, it's often because you're still profiting, instead of actually realising it. Look at it. Tell me I am wrong. I am not. There's a fading light today where humanity stops. It has been a roller coaster this past decade. Years of going downhill. Tell me those odds it shoots back up. No Dr. Unicorn. Fresh outta tracks and those breaks are failing.
Nothing represents suggested; everything represents perceived, and the choice between perceived (need) and suggested (want) exists within the center of everything. Everything does you...you respond to being done by everything.
Shirking of responsibility. It's your choice to resist that temptation; no matter who you blame for what.
a) sigismund schlomo freud
b) the foundation of choice (balance) represents the solution to every answer (want) and question (outcome).
Here we have shirking of responsibility causing the loss of the perpetuated shared self (offspring). All a chain of consequences from ignorant choices made way before. The use of contraception (which the parasitic few suggested to you) implies your choice of lust (want) over propagation of self (need). She had no part in that choice; she was the temptation for your lust; which you fell for.
All the drama; all the blaming; all the justifications; all the loss originates in that choice of want over need; but for yourself you need to dig even deeper...why the lust; why the drugs; why suggesting harm through contraceptives (to stand against conception); why the lack of balance within the relationship; why defending self by blaming a 3rd party; why still getting tempted by emotions after all this time?
You are the one holding onto all these vivid details; which you layer as a defense upon your own choices. She's not there to blame, and you even had yet another woman trigger all these suppressed memories. You have to uproot these memories to be able to sustain self. You didn't even work through the loss; but buried it like so many others do; which will continue to bite you in the ass; because you choose to allow corruption to fester within your memory and the moving system is growing it unless you resist; which ties right back into the "irrelevant speal" I write about.
Because all represents one in energy. You represent the consequence (effect) of a moving system (cause). The foundation for "why" represents self sustenance.
How many around you are affected by your lack of growth?
The strength represents the incoming motion (velocity) which grows the seed of suggested information that you put into your memory. If you instead adapt to incoming (inspiration) you would grow resistance to it; which represents your strength as form (resistance) within flow (velocity).
Your choice restricts the mind to the suggested information by others; which in return tricks you to ignore the perceived inspiration. TRICK, noun (Latin intrico) - "to fold" represents the inversion of to unfold aka to grow comprehension of perceived.
RE (response by choice) to MEMORY (mind). You are falling for the temptation of your ego (a mind filled with suggested information).
Haha. You have given me a laugh. A huge laugh if nothing else. Hats off to you for the humour.
She was perfect in every single way a young man could desire. It wasn't lust. It was love. Undying. Eternal. Hated but loved. Loved but hated. However not meant to be. Not meant to be. Much better off without it. Too much blame and not enough unity. Because you can only love as much as another does you. If they don't for whatever their reasons there is only blame, and lust, and an ignorant need. That's why there's often no love, meaninglessly it's an infatuation becoming another emotion, a belonging desire to use and be fullfilled. A word used when it wants. It wants what nobody else can give. Or it finds happiness when it needs.
You cannot uproot memory, it forever haunts. It reminisces. It plays itself over and over when you dream. You can block memories, until they remember everything they've forgot.
The only memory I cannot remember is that night, that incident. What exactly happened in that crash. Wiped out blind. Erased. I have tried under hypnosis.
My memories go as far back as 1 years old, they shouldn't but they do. Hazey, blurred, but specifics, as far back as a toddler taking its first steps. Almost every occurrence since 6 years old with crystal clear clarity apart from a few minor details such as names of associations, and the exact date of their occurence, or the street address, and what I ate for dinner. But dreamily times of emotion like anger, or joy. For example the horses on the farm, before 3 years old wanting to pet, feed, and ride. I can see them now that memory and others then. Like crying loudly as a baby in my cot. At 3 years old we moved to another country. I can remember it. Events in it. First time I touch a computer, at 3. An earthquake. My best friend then. Etc.