my pops:

• at 16, ran away from horse-shit & lied into the military;
• life-long career military man;korean & vietnam war;
• purple hearts & other medals;

me:

• little man;
• mostly innocent;
• asked my dad if he killed a lot of people in the war;

answering, he said:

• had never fired a round;
• scared as shit;
• said hed never, ever fire a round;

can still vividly remember, as his stare burned through my soul, and out the back of my brain, said... when i saw them firing on me, i knew it was either me or them and thats why i killed.

hes an alcoholic. a gentle one, mind you. never spanked or hit me. he likes spending most all of his time alone. although, not a bleak "aloneness." he loves animals. loves sitting in the backyard; feeding birds and taking in all the peace, quiet and serenity. fuckn loves the show mash.

now that im older, i truly understand the idea of self-preservation. def not on the level of my pops and i hope im never tested in that way.