So this article is not absurd, but in the present tense, it is 'doofy'?

Alright. I'll bight. So, how baked out of my mind, and gorged on waffles do I need to be, to preexist on your level? And once I am vibing on pure THC, and staring into the void, what do I do with this cornucopia of infotainment you lay before me as an offering?

Does it spin counter clockwise, or should I project outwards for a better view of the rings of Saturn? Asking for a friend, of course.