Sometimes I wish that I had never begun questioning things, sometimes I wish I could go back to being wide-eyed and optimistic about the world, unaware of the realities that have been hidden in the past, present, and future. In my experience, ignorance could well have been bliss, as an awakened life is certainly not a happier life.
The one truth I have not been able to uncover is that of purpose and of meaning. Every goal that I once had, my dream job, aspirations, plans for the future, children etc. have all been whittled away upon realizing that everything we have ever been told is a lie, and is continuously built upon by more lies. Our governments and neighbors have sold us down the river, and society is increasingly foreign (in both the literal and figurative sense), hostile, unwelcoming and expensive. People screw each other over for financial incentives, and all that matters is materialism. Hell even if you try to live a pure life, you cannot escape every one else.
Governmental endorsed mass immigration has destroyed culture, identity, economy, safety and security. Of course, the knee-jerk reaction is to scream 'fight for the west and our values!' - to which I ask, 'what values?' we have become a weak whimper of a society: men who think they are women, drag queens, refugees welcome, gay pride parades, feminist harpies and the grooming of children (to name a few). This madness is our 'western values' - values which we cannot question openly without facing censorship or legal repercussions. We are utterly powerless to do anything about any of this. Add to the fact that Joe normie hasn't got the faintest clue and couldn't give two shits either way so long as they have bread and circuses.
My question to those out there who question authority, delve deeply into narratives, look beyond lies and seek truths and have been at the milestone I am now facing: how do you find contentment these days? How do you go on knowing the absolute state of the world, knowing there is nothing you can do, and nowhere you can run? I am at a point where I see no optimism in the future and question what the point is in continuing in a world so full of deceit, corruption, evil and stupidity.
How did you find meaning and purpose?
I think I am able to comment on your post and offer some suggestions.
I don't find meaning and purpose, because I stopped looking for it.
As a result, I have never been more satisfied and felt so completely at peace. Don't misunderstand, sometimes I give into fear, but all in I shun fear.
A story: My grandmother raised me; she was the epicenter of all my love. As I and she grew older, I would be gripped with the fear of losing her. I knew it was an inevitability. I would feel the fear creep into my heart, I would start breathing heavily, and shake. At some point, I had to stop, or I would never be able to function. So one night as my anxiety crept up and fear was sitting on my chest, I gathered my courage and said, "Fear, you will not have power over me, I banish you from my mind and heart", "I love my grandmother with all my heart, and losing her will kill me inside but I must have strength to face the inevitable", "I will focus now on being brave and confident and to never give up". The "never give up" was advice my grandmother gave me when I was very young.
I, like you, sometimes wish I was never awakened to the truth of our world, but I would never trade in now that I am.
I gave my life to God, the creator of all things. My purpose is for God to know and me to accept.
When I say God, I am not talking about man's creation of God, but God, the father of all things. The trees, the land, the Earth. the universe, everything. I let him flood my body with his grace.
Don't think I am some kind of flower of goodness and light, though. I am a nasty curmudgeon who dislikes people in general. No Snow White here.
I exist at God's will, one day I will go from this plane, I am but a tool.
This is really more complicated than what I just wrote and if you want to hear more, I am happy to offer more. It took me a while to come to my peace.