Sit back. I'll tell you a story about how the first American pope came to be.

Not so long ago, the cardinals who were going to elect the next pope received a letter from the CIA/Mossad. In this letter, they asked the cardinals to elect an American as the next pope. Enraged, the cardinals destroyed the letters and threw them in the trash. Then the CIA/Mossad thought, "Well, if not this way, then something else." And again, the cardinals received mail. But this time, lo and behold, there were pictures included. At the sight of these pictures, they lost consciousness. When they woke up, they hoped it was a bad dream, but reality caught up with them. And they called the CIA/Mossad in pitiful voices and said, "We'll do what you want, but please don't publish these pictures." And so the first American pope was elected.

What can we learn from this story? Don't use Apple, Android, or Windows, because America is always watching and knows your secrets!