UKreigning-uns, also known as “the Iranian People,” have draftard all womyns and chirrens from local Nursing homes and orphanages to strengthen their widely diverse harmed forces.

The United States has sent in hundreds of thousands of “gay bombs” to frighten and confuse the homophobic Russians into all-out buttfucking in the streets. NATO is on standby, ready to swarm the area with Gay Pride Parade™️ floatillas.

“Ukraine Bob,” as he as known, has recently risen to his new role unceremoniously after hiding in exile from his former position in a Middle-Eastern Baathhouse.

“We are Winning!,” he screamed at a barrage of microphones that were not plugged into anything.

He answered no questions from the Media, who instantly all erupted in applause. Then, an eerie silence came over the bombed-out civic center, as everyone present simultaneously stopped to open the Robinhood app on their devicez to check their Raytheon stocks.

“Fuck yeah!” Said one raspberry-bereted peacenik.

“I’M FUCKING RICH!”

-NO-EZ, ‘Roiders Neus Agentcccp