Symptoms:

1. You feel intense urge to break store windows and loot
2. You burn down police stations
3. You run SUVs into helpless grandmothers and children.
4. You father a lot of kids and never stick around to support them.
5. You are an athlete who is way overpaid for playing with balls.
6. You let a tranny bang you in the ass in the Lincoln Bedroom.

Diagnosis: You have the dreaded Joggerpox.

Cures:

1. Kneel on ground and allow a cop to apply pressure to your neck.
2. Try to mug a concealed carry gun owner.
3. Apply small metal cylinders between your eyes.